Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
