I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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