Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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