So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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