she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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