think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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