i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
