Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
