is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
