**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
