she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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