she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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