I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
