Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize