I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
