Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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