Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
