Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
