the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm too high and old for this...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
