Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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