I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
