Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize