nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
