We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
