That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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