well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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