Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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