the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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