Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
