Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
