Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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