We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize