one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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