Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
