Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
