Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
In America we eat man semen.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
