I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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