she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
