the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize