whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
