Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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