I want to stick my p in your. b.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
