just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
