Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
