we have pet lesbian snakes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
