FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
