At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
