I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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