im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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