i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
