kristin has been a bad kristin
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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