You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
