Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Buhtt sex?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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