HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
