in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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