i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
