hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
