Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
