I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Someone came in the potted fern
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
