I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
