i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
