i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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