Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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